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Photographer: Gregg Gallagher @Fstop23 ~Ruby's Diner When I am feeling troubled, as if things within me are spinning out of control or crumbling into a million tattered pieces. You can often find me at "Ruby's Diner" a wonderful little place at the end of the Pier in Huntington Beach, California. I can easily be spotted, I am the heavy drinker. The tousled haired brunette with two or three empty "Cherry Coke" fountain glasses sitting on the wobbly table top in front of me. Underneath the huge dark sunglasses might be a dreamy, tense, teary or vacant look in my eyes, depending on what is tugging at my heart at the moment. There are times when the critical responsibilities of life, the realizations that I am a mere mortal and the grueling physical and emotional demands I put on myself sharply collide. When this happens I steal away to one of several places I feel safe. To name a few: The Pacific Ocean, (five miles beneath the earth's crust-Hi Mark.) a fully stocked bookstore, a huge musty library, a peaceful mountain top, a favorite friend's porch swing, and at times a place of quiet meditation or my own flower garden.. All these places allow me at least a few hours to catch up with my own racing thoughts and demanding lifestyle. There is also a deep sacred place with in my own psyche, soul, heart, spirit or however one cares to refer to it... A secret place I tuck special memories of awesome people, places, things, and events. I call these things my "Good Marbles" the memories I can sort through at a moment's notice...To remind me that life and people are still brilliantly good and trustworthy. God is FAITHFUL and always at work. Miracles still happen. Hard work still pays big dividends and LOVE certainly is the dominant answer to all unanswered questions. When I make time to take stock of my unruly thoughts, I am invariably reminded to "Follow My Bliss." I am wondering..What is your bliss? I truly would like to know. When there is something heavy on your mind troubling you?? Where is your safe places? Who are the people in your life that you share your wants, needs, concerns, desires, problem issues, dreams, losses and blessings with? What or who are your "Good Marbles?" (The good marbles analogy comes form watching my brothers put their best shooters or marbles in a special pouch and stuffing the pouches under the bed or under their mattresses for safe keeping)
“Hope Still Lives…” The year: 1929. Stock market crashes. Tornadoes and other natural disasters effect the agriculture of the western part of the US. The Great Depression doesn’t stay just contained in America, but spreads abroad, effecting every person in the modern world. And yet in this time of turmoil there were still small heroes helping to change the world for the better…
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Written by Sasha Kane November 9th, 2007
What you will find here are Christmas memories that are special to me. Yes, some are saccharin sweet, sappy and extremely corney...Then there are others that are filled with pain and have a tendency to bring tears to my eyes. These are my memories...Which seem to serve and ground me well at times. I started off in life as a Poor Little Rich Girl, my family had all the material trappings one could want...A beautiful home in an upscale neighborhood, wall to wall closets full of clothes, toys, books, pantries full of food...You name it we had it..Everything but my parents being happy with one another. I suppose my Mother being unhappy is the reason we always had to have the biggest flocked Christmas tree in the neighborhood. It would take her days to decorate it, a ritual we were never a part of. The tree was a monument to opulence not love...But that did not stop me from admiring it's beauty. Every ornament hung with deliberate care...Gold, Red, Silver, Glass, Porcelain, ballerinas twirling, lights blinking, music boxes tinkling...All the kids in the neighborhood would stand ohhhh-in and awe-ing, while I stood next to them slightly uncomfortable and embarrassed. Neatly stacked under this magnificent tree would be dozens and dozens of fancy wrapped boxes with satin ribbons of every hue. Christmas rabbits, bears, circus animals, Disney characters and every Christmas character ever created would be set to mingle nicely between the gifts. Christmas Eve would find my Mother pacing the floor waiting for my Father to come home to help set up the electric train for my brothers or put together yet another new set of bicycles for my sister and I. My Father would seldom come home until sunrise...He would sheepishly enter the house and the grand arguments would begin...The mountain of gifts would sit silently under the tree while my brothers, sister and I would all huddle in our warm beds waiting for the hostile storm to secede. The morning would wear on, with my parents calling a momentary truce for the sake of us children...More importantly to save face with all of the family members, friends, and neighbors that would be spilling into the house in a few hours to celebrate Christmas. Then it happened... One year without any warning my parents lost all of their wealth. We woke up to cars being repossessed, furniture, clothing, jewelry and even our toys being sold to pay the utilities and buy food. Soon the beautiful huge home we lived in was gone as we were forced to be split up as a family and live with various relatives. Soon we were on a train to California to join my Father who had been gone from the family for about (8) months. My own Grandfather had embezzled my Father's Construction business to the ground...But that is a sad blog for another time. When we arrived in California, my brothers, sister and I were in for some serious culture shock! We were to live in East Los Angeles. in a tiny two bedroom house. My brothers, sister and I sleeping on cots in one room, with my baby brother, Mother and Father sleeping in another room that was no larger than 10 feet by 12 feet. The schools we attended were seriously behind in their curriculum, my sister and I were two grades ahead of our classmates intellectually. While our schoolmates were several years ahead of us in life experiences. Let's put it this way, when I left my home town I was playing with dolls while some of the girls my age in East L.A. were already sleeping with boys. Our first Christmas in Los Angeles, was a lesson in humility, love and humanity. Our huge snow flocked tree was replaced by a seriously crooked "Charlie Brown Tree, given to us by the local Knights Of Columbus. Gone were the fancy tree ornaments, what replaced them were walnuts rolled in glue, coated with red and gold glitter, hung by red ribbons. My sister and I made paper stars...again with the glue, glitter and red ribbons.. It was the first tree we were ever allowed to decorate as a family. We gleefully danced around the tree squealing with delight. In our minds and hearts it was undoubtedly the best tree in all of Los Angeles. Christmas Eve in Los Angeles brought many startling and new changes. We did not have a mountain of food and goodies in which to stuff ourselves silly. We simply baked some sugar cookies, using a drinking glass for a cookie mold. Best of all!! My Father was home on Christmas Eve...We did not have presents under the tree...But we went to bed smiling and hopeful..You know how kids are..Always dreaming of good and happy things. Christmas morning finally arrived...My sister and I raced each other to the tree. Under the tree were just five little packages. I found my package and begged my Mother to open it. I unconsciously wanted to escape the feeling of disappointment. My Mom sadly looked at me and told me to open the gift myself...I hesitated but slowly opened the package. The gift was shoes...Although a nice pair of shoes...I was so disappointed and ashamed of myself for feeling let down. I secretly wanted a pre-teen's wrist watch or some books. I was a voracious reader and devoured books, as an outlet-hidden doorway to the Universe. Later that Christmas morning we had to rush my baby brother to the hospital, he was only six months old and had developed pneumonia. While sitting in the hospital waiting room, various large groups of people from The Salvation Army and various other charities walked the hospital wards and waiting rooms...Giving gifts to the children in the wards as well as the four of us heathens impatiently waiting for our parents to take us home. My presents consisted of a set of china doll dishes. (Didn't the kind lady see my boobs?) A box of paper back books and YESSSSSS a Minnie Mouse watch. (Glad the Salvation Army Lady didn't see my boobs on this one) I remember all four of us kids huddling in the back seat of our car...Sad because we had to leave our baby brother at the hospital. But happy as little clams because some nice older people gave us the spoils of the day...Stockings filled with some rather ucky striped Christmas candy, tasty oranges, apples and nuts. As well as toy cars, books, dolls, watches, the dang dishes and winter socks. That Christmas Night my Father tucked us in bed, reminding us of the generosity we had experienced that day. He wisely told us to always LIVE in GRATITUDE...Taking nothing nor anyone for granted ever. He told us about the Baby in the Manger born in Bethlehem who too was also poor. Explaining to us the generosity of the Inn keeper, the Three Wise Men and of course the Shepard boy who had only a drum solo to offer the King. (Was Jesus truly poor?) We did not live in East Los Angeles for long, my Father ever resourceful and super street wise, soon moved us to a wonderful community in Orange County, California. But the lessons of humility, community and charity by then had become a natural part of my family's everyday lives. I read to the blind and mentored grade school kids, my brothers did yard work and mowed grass for the handicapped and elderly, my sister cleaned house for the elderly and disabled, with my parents frequently opening our home to those in need. During the holiday season, My Father could be found delivering free Christmas trees, toys to every child we knew who might do without or with very little..Presents and boxes of food left on the doorsteps of those in need on Christmas Eve. And...Yes he always made it home late on Christmas Eve...But we understood. My Father passed away two years ago Christmas Day (tomorrow)...With all his inconsistencies, his gallows humor, addictions and foibles...He was still and will always remain our greatest-grandest role model. My sister is a Nurse, one Brother a Fire Captain, my other Brother owns a food processing plant that donates tons of food to food banks yearly. We all serve our communities and love working with Charitable agencies...My Father is so missed by all of us...(Tearing up as I type this) He ruled his home with an iron fist, but he taught us the importance of GIVING, especially to little children on Christmas. (My baby Brother also is in heaven after being killed in a motorcycle accident) Merry Christmas to all who read this...May love be your constant guide and wisdom your Captain. P.S. This blog is dedicated to those with kind and GIVING hearts...Especially those who offer a safe harbor and strong shoulders for those who are ready to crash and burn...Also to those who simply allow me to BE and FLY freely..Unencumbered. You all well know who you are. I love you all so!!
 She walks in soft grace and beauty... Unique, tender hearted, a gentle spirit, distinctly feminine... Mysterious yet approachable... Her constancy is a gentle smile, hand extended with true warmth, ever poised for sincere friendships. She is faithful, loyal, fair minded and honest, a perennial champion for the under dog. Her voice is soft, soothing and melodious as she repeats your name, never failing to offer an honest compliment or two. She is astute, aware and ever mindful of your physical comfort -emotional temperature. She is truly ..."A Woman of Grace!!" A Woman of Grace does not indulge in petty rivalry, childish envy, nor unkind malice...She never repeats destructive gossip, betrays confidential conversations nor the treasured secrets entrusted to her. A Woman of Grace is her own person... Courageous and strong when faced with personal strife, painful choices, or the slings and arrows that life can unwittingly fling her way... Her strong faith in God and belief in the innate goodness of others is unyielding. To a Woman of Grace, other people's success and happiness is paramount. She generousily relishes and applauds other's accomplishments. Being ever wise she knows that the honor of man is temporal and fleeting. The honor of God, and things of the spirit are everlasting and eternal. A Woman of Grace does not fear the future, avoid change nor recoil at the thought of being rejected by others. Her fear is of another vein...She fears she may not have the time, energy nor monetary means to give when most needed. Her beauty is not solely external...A pure heart makes her so luminous, she glows from within. She has the ability to see hidden treasures in the dull mundane things of life...She can make a magical adventure out of the tedious, plain or ordinary. She infuses the air with vibrant energy with her enthusiasm and passionate love of life. A Woman of Grace is a loving wife, great mother, compassionate sister, faithful friend, thoughtful grandmother, an attentive daughter, a concerned neighbor, a gracious opponent and a responsible citizen of the world. She takes responsibility for her actions, treats others according to the golden rule, she conserves when needed, gives where applicable, has strong resolve and boundaries. She knows when to take care of her own needs and can politely say NO when she needs to replenish her energy and spirit. A Woman of Grace believes in the old adage, "To err is human and to forgive is divine." She is a natural peacemaker, errors on the side of grace and allows others to make mistakes without judgment or penalty. A Woman of Grace has a teachable spirit, is open to new ideas, higher learning and new ways of creative expression. She is a bit old fashion, yet progressive in thought..A wise old soul with a delightful innocence in expression and style. A Woman of Grace sounds alot like you my beloved sister; my best friend. Tuck deep within your heart how very special you are to me. I both love and appreciate you! Written by Sasha Kane "Written For My Sister - Dedicated to Woman Everywhere"
 A time comes in your life when you finally get it. When in the midst of all your fears and insanity, you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out - ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And, like a child, quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside. You shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world through new eyes. This is your AWAKENING. You realize that it is time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change, or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that he is not Prince Charming and you are not Cinderella and that in the real world there aren't always fairy tale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with YOU, and in the process, a sense of serenity is born of acceptance. You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect, and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are. And that's OK. They are entitled to their own views and opinions and you learn the importance of loving and championing yourself -- and in the process, a sense of newly found confidence is born of self approval. You stop criticizing and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn't do for you) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected. You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say, and that not everyone will always be there for you, and that it's not always about you. So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself and in the process, a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance. You stop judging and pointing fingers, and you begin to accept people as they are, and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties -- and in the process, a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness. You realize that much of the way you view yourself, and the world around you, is a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche. And you begin to sift through all the nonsense you've been fed about how you should behave, how you should look, how much you shouldn't weigh, what you should wear, where you should shop, what you should drive, how and where you should live, what you should do for a living, who you should marry, what you should expect of a marriage, the importance of having and raising children, or what you owe your parents. You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for. You learn the difference between wanting and needing, and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with - and in the process, you learn to go with your instincts. You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive and that there is power and glory in creating and contributing, and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer" looking for your next fix. You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era, but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life. You learn that you don't know everything, it's not your job to save the world and that you can't teach a pig to sing. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility, and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry, and that martyrs get burned at the stake. Then you learn about love. Romantic love and familial love. How to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving and when to walk away. You learn not to project your needs or your feelings into a relationship. You learn that you will not be more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable or important because of the man or woman on your arm or the child that bears your name. You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You learn that just as people grow and change, so it is with love. And you learn that you don't have the right to demand love on your terms, just to make you happy. And, you learn that alone does not mean lonely. And you look in the mirror and come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 8 or a perfect 10 and you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head and agonizing whether you make the grade. You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over, and ignoring your needs. You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK. And that it is your right to want things and to ask for the things that you want. And that sometimes it is necessary to make demands. You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity, and respect, and you will not settle for less. You allow only the hands of a lover who cherishes you to glorify you with his or her touch and in the process, you internalize the meaning of self-respect and you learn that your body really is your temple. You learn that fatigue diminishes the spirit and can create doubt and fear, so you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our souls, so you take more time to laugh and to play. You learn that for the most part, in life you get what you believe you deserve and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy. You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for, and that wishing for something to happen is different from working toward making it happen. More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success, you need direction, discipline, and perseverance. You also learn that no one can do it all alone and that it's OK to risk asking for help. You learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time - FEAR itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears, because you know what whatever happens you can handle it, and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your terms. And you learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom. You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't always get what you think you deserve, and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions you learn not to personalize things. You learn that God isn't punishing you or failing to answer your prayers. It's just life happening. And you learn to deal with evil in its most primal state - THE EGO. You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected, or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls. You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about; a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower. Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you try to make yourself a promise; to never betray yourself and to never ever settle for less than your heart's desire. And you hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind. And you make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility. Finally, with courage in your heart, you take a stand - you take a deep breath and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can. That is your and my AWAKENING!
There are certain personality archetypes that we all carry within us, such as the inner child, the lover, and the mother. Some of these archetypes present themselves strongly, while others lay fallow. For example, there is an inner warrior in each one of us, but in some of us this warrior is underdeveloped to the point that we are unable to stand up for ourselves, even when necessary. There can be many reasons for this. We may have grown up with a parent whose warrior aspect was overdeveloped, and we responded by repressing ours completely. On the other hand, we may have grown up with parents in whom this aspect was dormant, so we never learned to awaken it in ourselves.
 In Dreams I Am Never More Alive... Or More Awake... In Dreams You Are Wonderfully Emotionally Reachable... In Dreams We Sway Into A A Wild Dance Of Intimacy... No Preconditions... No Recriminations... No Expectations... Just Raw Emotions... In Dreams The Barriers Vanish... In Dreams We Are Authentic... Courageously Unafraid To Taste Abandon... Sasha Kane November 16th, 2008
 We wear the mask that grins and lies, It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes, This debt we pay to human guile; With torn and bleeding hearts we smile, And mouth with myriad subtleties. --Dunbar And so it goes... The mask I wear is one of wide eyed wonder mixed with childlike delight and expectation ... I choose it consciously every minute of every hour... Every day... The mask is not one of guile or pretentiousness... No! It is one of purpose... Choice... I choose the mask of "Awe and Splendour." Worn in worlds of bandished lives that somehow remain mysteriously, courageously and exquisitely beautiful... A private silent space where the essence of humanity is shielded blanketed by grace and unquestionable good. ~Sasha
  There is a story about Naropa, an 11th century Indian yogi who one day was approached by an old hag. Knowing him to be one of India's greatest Buddhist teachers, she boldly asked him if he understood all the words in the large holy book he was reading. He answered smugly in the affirmative, and the old woman danced and laughed with glee. Then she asked if he understood every instruction in the book, and again, Naropa answered affirmatively. This time, however, the old woman's face darkened with a scowl, and she flew into an immediate rage, pointing a finger at him and accusing him of being a liar and a hypocrite. * It is said Naropa was forever changed by that strange encounter with that old hag. Naropa knew inwardly that he had been caught in the act. He did know the words, this was true, and from this knowledge, he could teach, and brilliantly so. But he had not yet wholly experienced the teachings in his heart, and therefore, could not fully understand that which he taught. * There may be many of us, who like Naropa, will for a time, fool ourselves into believing that we know and understand the concept of blessing our world fully. That we also have loving unconditionally down to a suitable science. * "Ah, yes," we will say, "this habit of blessing, accepting and loving everyone and everything is wonderful. It has truly changed my heart, spirit and life." But there will come the time when none of what we have learned will seem relevant. We will have an argument with our spouse, or the commode will overflow just as company arrives. The car will break down in the middle of a busy freeway, other drivers yelling obscenities as they drive past, or a co-worker or in-law will say something hurtful at a time when we feel most vulnerable. How can we push past all the frustration and discomfort we feel and love, forgive or bless anyway? How can we suspend judgment when what we are judging is so up close and personal? How can we bless our world when our world suddenly seems so intent on cursing us? * The answer is not simple... It is not enough to just read or study bibles, books and more books... Listen to wise sages who teach and expound upon words of explicit and profound wisdom...It is not enough to subscribe to Philosophies or religions that ring true to our intellects and spirits...We must live out these spiritual concepts, religious beliefs, philosophies and credos in our own personal everyday lives...Until it all becomes our second nature to love unconditionally, bless others when possible and forgive those who hurt and betray us always... * There is much to be said about the phrase, "Count Your Blessings." Try not to fall into the trap of entitlement or deadly apathy...Be always mindful of the goodness that surrounds you. Be thankful for the blessings you can attribute to God and the love you receive from enlightened and nurturing others.... * In reality no earthly man or woman fully arrives. We all carry seeds of dissension and denial so deep within our souls...At times we are fully convinced those seeds of debrivity do not exist. * In truth NO man is an island! We all need people in our lives that we are accountable to, can trust to tell us truth under any circumstances, and will care enough about us to lift us up when we fall. They will not or rather must not take pleasure in our failures, calamities, seemingly our demise or a fall from grace...They will have enough strength, love, truth and compassion within themselves to be magnanimous and grace giving to us as well as others. * Where do you find these people? As simplistic as it sounds... Be the person you would like to attract into your own life and they will come.... "HONESTLY they will!" * This week... I wish all who read this blog all that I wish for myself... Inner Peace... Serenity... Hope... Good Health... A big dose of Faith... Strength to overcome... Be a light... Be a survivor.... See difficulties as a chance to learn...Grow... Be eternally Blessed... Bless Others... * Ti Amo!!!! Je t'aime !!!
 This rant was written for the Wharton Undergraduate Journal
 From a macro perspective, this may be representative of a whole lifetime. A newborn being in the “spring” of her life, an elder being in the “winter” of his. But, on a much smaller scale, seasonal changes can be likened to various periods in our lives. Within a lifetime, each of us will experience countless springs, numerous summers, many autumns, and several extremily long dark shivering winters. We freely accept the necessity of transition in nature, but we are resistant to apply the same principle to our own lives. Many of us tend to hold steadily onto the past, neglecting the possibility that something better might be up ahead. A tree can not hold onto its flowers and leaves for fear of losing its treasure. It simply lets go of them knowing that its full beauty will be restored. The same blossoms will not return, but ones that are just as, if not more beautiful than the originals. Everything comes full circle. Keeping this principle in mind should allow us to accept change more readily. Embrace it, for change is equivalent to real living. Anything less is merely existing. There is a vast difference between the two. Welcome the seasons as they come as well as when they go.... On a personal note here.... I am in a lengthy season of so many changes. I will try to walk a delicate balance here...Give you a true glimse into my life without sounding like I am "Whining." The fight against a deep depression is not always easy nor valiant. This particular depression I am told is brought on by the passing of my Father, Fighting chronic pain and illness', willingly and happily being a care giver, but at times trying to give from an empty cup. I have not been my usual self for a time, more inclined to pull into a shell and try to figure out how to get myself out of this "PICKLE!" :) So enough of all that.... To those who read this blog and are in the throes of trying to figure out life's seasons that are ever influx...I wish you "PEACE of MIND." I wish you gentle thoughts about yourself and those in your life who seem to be your own personal nemisis at the moment...Look for happiness, encouragement, solice and the sweet things in life where ever they can be found. :) If you need a good listener...I am here! :) Be Blessed! |
